Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize