she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
3 2 1 whiskey
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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