You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
