I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish there were birth control emojis
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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