My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
