What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
