is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
