hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
