I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
