I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
