Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
