I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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