so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
