Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
