sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
