just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
