he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
