There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
