She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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