forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
