I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
