On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
