craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
