$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
