i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
