There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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