Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
