a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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