Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
