Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
