someone threw a dead crab at me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
