sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is Oprah even human
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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