Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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