I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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