Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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