Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
