i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
