I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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