Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
