so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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