im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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