whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
