You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
