This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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