what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
