every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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