Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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