taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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