I'm jealous of your bromance
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this is an emotional support booty call
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
