I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
