My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
