please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You left your phone here
Wait...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
