I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
