Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
