***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
