I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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