Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
