You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
