The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
