so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
