i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
