Don't you send me to vm
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
