You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
