Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
